call me maybe

[nomoneystillproblems]

parker.peter@cdc.org
(0) UNREAD MESSAGES

Comments

[retry]

FROM: amber@cdc.org

Are you going to ask me if it's fair trade too?

FROM: amber@cdc.org

It's sweet and it's chocolate.

FROM: amber@cdc.org

You're supposed to call me back, Phật Tổ!

[nomoneystillproblems]

FROM: parker.peter@cdc.org

you know asking about 'fair trade' when we're working for a company that blows up planets seems kinda contradictory

FROM: parker.peter@cdc.org

Where are you I might take a piece

FROM: parker.peter@cdc.org

did you just call me fat

FROM: parker.peter@cdc.org

i can't believe you're offering me chocolate and yet you call me fat how dare you

[retry]

[ There's a long IC pause as the pieces fall into place for her . . . ]

FROM: amber@cdc.org

Oh.

FROM: amber@cdc.org

You're Peter, not the Pedro who was curious about the giant spider, aren't you?

FROM: amber@cdc.org

Don't worry, I have it on good authority that real boys have curves.

[nomoneystillproblems]

FROM: parker.peter@cdc.org

you were trying to message my doppelganger?

FROM: parker.peter@cdc.org

i'm not fat?? i could slip through a crack in the floor honestly it's a little sad

FROM: parker.peter@cdc.org

so is the chocolate still on the table or....?

[retry]

FROM: amber@cdc.org

I messaged both of you, in case I get the wrong one.

[ Which only means she got it wrong twice, but oh well. ]

FROM: amber@cdc.org

Don't you want to be a little fatter? I was trying to compliment you . . .

FROM: amber@cdc.org

Yes. Still interested?

[nomoneystillproblems]

FROM: parker.peter@cdc.org

wow i see how it is

FROM: parker.peter@cdc.org

I'll be fatter if have chocolate. yes i'm still interested where do i get to pick up this special delivery

[retry]

FROM: amber@cdc.org

My rover. Chitty Chitty Bang Bang.

FROM: amber@cdc.org

You're not jealous are you?

[nomoneystillproblems]

FROM: parker.peter@cdc.org

ah yes the film of my childhood

be over in two secs

FROM: parker.peter@cdc.org

i would be but i'm still getting chocolate so meh.

[retry]

FROM: amber@cdc.org

Come over anytime, Peter.

[ Does that sound wrong? Does she care? ]

tidily wraps this up

[nomoneystillproblems]

[And lo, he verily cameth over and ate the chocolate, and Amber was chatty and weird and it was surreal to Peter Parker, as it is usually he, the Spider-Man, that is chatty and weird. He was not sure if this was worth it.]